Remembrances of Nancy Chalmers Hardenbergh

Dear Hardenberghs,

The celebration in honor of Nancy was wonderful'as we Mitchells would say, 'appropriately Hardenberghy.' As I said in my brief remarks, in our family 'hardenberghy' was as well understood an expression with various meanings'stemming from our parents' (Alice and Bob Mitchell) admiration for Nancy and Collis and what they saw as their core principles. It stood for intellect-- as in Bryn Mawr and Harvard. It meant loyalty to friends, a healthy skepticism about traditional social values (read Wayzata), a respect for careful thought and speech'witness the large dictionary always open in the living room, an appreciation for design (seen not only in architecture, but in choices of clothing)'always avoiding the trite or expected. There might also have been dose of austerity/simplicity'ruling out excess. Nucy Meech, if I remember correctly, described your house as the Colliseum'claiming that guests hung their coats on a nail on the back wall of the closet.

Collis and Nancy and Alice and Bob got together frequently for dinner and bridge, Collis and Alice worked closely together on the design of the second Crystal Bay School designed by H & H. I understood that it was one of the first schools in the region of a contemporary design. [Not sure it this was actual fact, but that was the drift I got, perhaps from Mother's pride in Collis's work.]

Another memory comes in two parts and is a bit shakier. I remember our Mother always saying that one of the all-time Santa-child encounters was between Andrew and Santa. 'You should have seen his smile' was the story. What I can't quite figure out, is how she would have known this. Was he and your family at our house when Santa (Ralph Bagley) came by? Did they hear about it from Collis and Nancy? The second part of the Andrew-Santa story seemed to be many years later Andrew playing Santa for others. This may be pure fiction. Sorry the memory is so fragmented.

Where memory is on firmer ground is how nice Nancy and Collis were to Steve and me as a young married couple when, after the fall of 1966, we returned to Wayzata to live following a year in London. They invited us to paddle tennis games 'where we were happiest as watchers rather than players. Also, Nancy was kind enough to sponsor me in the Women's Study Group the Peripatetics. Collis's mother was also a Peripatetic.

From somewhere'here memory is shakier again, I think I heard a story about how Collis's father Clarence (is that the right name) and his wife Margaret (is that name correct?) met. What I think I heard is that when a new vicar arrived (Margaret's father) the two first met on the steps as 'little Clarence and little Margaret.' Later in their house in Kenwood, I think I remember a picture of the Nichols house (Margaret's family?) in New England with a pair of chairs from the house sitting in front of the picture.

In the Summer of 1963, before I was married, Nancy helped me get a volunteer summer job at the Minneapolis Urban League'where I did a series of interviews with United Way agencies on project to study the role of African Americans in United Fund social service agencies. The first summer job stretched into a second, giving me an understanding of Minneapolis that I would not have gotten any other way. I distinctly remember sitting in the Urban League office with its director Bob Williams, staff member Ashby Gaskins, and others huddled by a tiny black and white TV watching the Martin Luther King 'I have a Dream Speech' at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C.

The sum and substance is to hope that we all have as wonderful friendships and can support our friends and our friends children as Nancy and Collis did.

Every good wish to you all.

With affection and great ( if not always perfectly accurate) memories'¦.

Ann Mitchell Pflaum

Cc Sally Mitchell Lebedoff and Bob Mitchell Jr.

Dear Andrew

I just checked my email and found this. Thank you for letting me know.

I am so glad that it was peaceful. Every word you wrote just seems to drip with love and I wonder if her room was so filled with it that when the time came she glided away on it.

My thoughts and prayers are for you and your family.

We, Chalmers, daughter Chloe, Marylee, the three A's of Oakland Avenue, Reid and Aunt Robin were gathered at Nancy's Skybox.

The time of her death, call it 4:37pm, local sunset. She did not respond when at Reid's suggestion when I brought two ibuprofens at 5pm and I figured she was snoozing. Robin and I sat quietly in the bedroom until about 6pm when Reid called from Wayzata to say drugs were on the way. I hung up and exclaimed, 'Reid has come through with two Vicodin and two Ambiens for tonight! Hooray!!'

Mom did not respond at all. Ooops. I could find no sense of life and asked Marylee to come in and check. We used a stethoscope and small mirror but we were pretty sure she was dead. Then Chalmers looked, then waited five minutes for Reid to arrive. No signs of life. Brian the med student across the hall agreed.

We ate our Boxing Day dinner Turkey et al, cracked wise and funny for a while, and sang some hymns around the corpse. ML, HRH & C4 are washing and watching the body tonight.

A service of some sort will be Saturday the 29th or Sunday December 30th. Ma went well, quickly, without panic, terror or regrets. She had the grace to keep Christmas Day clean of grief for us.

"Have you found a good Democrat to marry yet? It just makes me sick thinking about you spending your life with a Republican."

"I really am very lucky, I have 6 children, and they are all so wonderful, and they are so funny. I don't know what i would have done if one of them had been a Republican."

Wild Woman Nancy. She and Robin would run along the ridge pole of the rectory as children. When their mother came home from work, she would avert her eyes and rush inside without saying a word. She also told me about diving deep to get under the white water in the big waves at the second break.

Gifted Athlete Nancy, Field Hockey, Soccer, in high school she was given a scholarship at Wykham Rise, perhaps not explicitly for basketball, but, certainly with the understanding she would play. Golf, Tennis, and of course, Paddle Tennis Club and Tournament Champions on several occasions. I remember being in 4th grade and winning races in the school track meet. I came up to her should, so I was not little. I challenged her to a race from the paddle tennis court to the house and she beat me! It was a few years before I challenged her again.

Her love of sports stayed with her when she slowed down. Fan of the Vikings, the Wild, the Red Sox and the Twins. She went to the 1991 7th game to see the Twins win the world series.

Keen intellect Nancy, from star to finish. Her greatest fear was losing her marbles. She need not worry about that any more. Master Points in bridge and Honors in the New York State Regents in Geometry. But not keen on school. She would become a scholar later in life with Peripetics. She claimed she only with to Parsons because juniors spent the year in Paris. As that would have been 1939, that did not happen. Instead, she met Collis in a wartime aircraft factory. She came home one days and said 'Mother, I met the man I'm going tp marry' she said, 'Good, what's his name' She replied, 'I don't know yet'

The picture of the Christmas Stocking symbolizes her love for her kids. Each Stocking carefully stuffed with magic and joy. Each kid unique, each of us loved unconditionally. I think all of us have jested from time to time 'I know you all think you are her favorite child, but I know I am!'

P.S. I forgot to mention how important keeping your sense of humor was!!!